Blur.

Chess.

I see in me a version of what you might be or what you might want to be. Sometimes I get annoyed to myself of what I've become from what had happened in the past years of my life. I might want to look in the brighter side though, there is still something missing. How can the simple things on earth be this complicated?

Grand Theft Autumn.

Don't you wish you were inflicted with everything? So nice, I woke up two in the afternoon and I thought, was I in a lot of stress lately? I felt like laughing from my own stupidity but hell yeah -- life is so short to make believe and wrinkle my face. They might say -- they shake the shit out of me as much as I want to say I shake the shit out of them. Laugh it off, I told myself. And yeah man I am laughing. Never felt this good -- I thought it would be  next to impossible. I took a glass of cold water instead of a glass of rum my mother has been keeping in our bar. And then I cut myself about it. I could just sing at the same time dance. Very much similar to I have loved and hated at the same time. Life is easy -- so I'll make it easy for me. I could have been mistaken but yeah I learned a lot. I could be a package of a walking mystery in an open field. Transparent yet unusual. See, I could be here. In this state of sound mind. Everything is clear and colorful. The irony -- as much as I'm preoccupied -- let's not care. Them laughing out of my bittersweetness but hey -- I've journeyed and I'm my own survivor. Laugh it off. Laugh it off. Let's all show our big smiles to reality we dare to challenge. Let's travel our minds as we do with our bodies. Better than soul searching -- looking through car windows. I say, come on come on. Let's all get it on. To party life and deal with it. Gamble through it. Steal the moment. Who says you can't stand up after a fall? :)

Helen.

"MORALITY WAS JUST A SECURITY BLANKET THAT DIDN'T EXIST. ALL OF IT, WHAT I'VE DONE AND WHAT I WAS DOING, WAS NOT LEADING ME PERILOUSLY TOWARD THE END OF THE CLIFF. I HAD ALREADY JUMPED." 

Of Course.

Fraction.

Half-naked. Half-skinned. Half-shown. Half-shamed. It was all in half. And nearing to three-fourths now. Wondering what's going to happen if it eats up the whole.

March Agonist.

I wish wish wish. For a happy lovable BIRTHDAY. Cherry on TOP. ;)

Stop and Say "Sshhhh".

I roll and I fire. I smash and I cry. And suddenly, I fail. And so, I retreat. And then, I love. Once again.

Who's We? Har.

Love.

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."

Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort of antipathy, or opposing passion. Each strives to be the other, and both together make up one whole. The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. You see how nice it is to be in the boundary of love. 

True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. 

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. Never waste time. The world is much better with love.

Shame On.

Don't post something,

just to fetch comments.

SAY FUCK OFF TO ALL THE SOCIAL CLIMBERS AND THICK-FACED USERS.

Bow.

Odds.

Finally, I can make it to a point where everything falls under one thought. Happiness. Sweet and savored. I could enjoy the fruits of love. It is quite simple, I wish this would never end.


I dreamnt of everyday when all I could think about is give and receive love.


I like to thank my other half, Ryan Reyes, whom I used to call my baby for the enticing Valentine's day. A memorable monthsary celebrating our one year and seven months of  love. For the flowers and the effort of working things out.


Against all odds. We were two different persons and has been binded into one.


Much love to you. This one goes out to you baby. I love you.


Lovelots, Arah.

Sweet Truth.

A Little Unwell

I dare to be happy. I challenge myself against my own to conquer whatever it is on my way. It is like I am a bandit of my entity. A wave of zombies approaching towards the battle. I am the protagonist of my own play and at the same time, I am its antagonist; the villain of my own film. Either ways, in the end, it will still be all about me.

Acceptance and rejections. It all comes in different persona. A paradigm of what you call defining what makes you grow up, what makes you don’t. I deal with my being afraid and unafraid. I give my everything without the benefit of a doubt. I always thought, there is nothing wrong with taking the risks, as long as I don’t regret it. But life is matter of irony. It seems easy yet so difficult to deal with. When everything seems not enough, that’s when you fall down. That’s when you fall back. It’s obscure to be strong and it feels easy for me to get frail. I am fragile and yet I build my own foundation. I cry easily and I hardly move on. Sometimes, I think about sensitivity as a curse. As well as a gift. And I want to find the underlying truth on how I can be a better individual.

All I ever wanted is as simple as grade one mathematics. To be seen in and outside my world. To be accepted wholeheartedly. To make the world smile. To be hugged by the clouds. To have a peace of mind. To be respected as a woman.  Without shame and cruelty.  To be loved unconditionally. What every girl dreams of. But this reality. Fortunately, analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.

Chowkiss.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT I'M SWEET. HAR. :))

My Other Half.

For soon we'll be MARRIED.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

-Mother Teresa

Envy.

FIND ME A CURE, BITCH.

NEVER MESS UP WITH ME.

Anger As A Gift

I am madly vicious at this very moment. There is this point in my life where I press myself to be happy but I can't really change the fact that I AM ANGRY. I sought for the truth, the meaning of living where all that has happened, hopefully, never happened at all. I always ask myself -- I may be a sinner. I may have done mistakes from the past. But the fact that I am in my continuous change, I always thought, do I deserve this? I wish it could be simple. But as I look thoroughly on it, it is becoming more complex. And I am scared that I might lose my fight, withdraw my sword, raise the white flag. It is just so unfair.

I am a thing, of human flesh and grabs the air of life. Who wants nothing but a deep appreciation. Of who I am, what I do for as soon as I am not hurting anyone, I am clean. In everything I do, I always give my best. For I am scared of rejections. Failure. I might not know how to deal with it. But I know I'll get on that.

I caught myself thinking of one thought --Get mad; and then get over it. Sounds easy. Seems easy. But it is still hard for me. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. And I am burnt with this anger without any idea on how to revive myself. I am eaten, might be rotten on it. But I can't blame myself. It was like I am with you in the cliff, striving against death, and suddenly, you forcefully pulled me down. Leaving you the second chance to play the dice of life and me, well, lying on the board of death.

Another mentality is the thought --Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Or stay up and leave it all behind. It's such a shame to lose and it hurts a lot to think that everything you've been fighting for doesn't deserve a winning badge. Even if it deserves to.

Sighs,

"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were."

Under The Pit

Disturbed. I am always disturbed. And it sucks to think about it. The irony of life is either wonderful or devastating. I can't figure out why I am mold like this. I am supposed to live by the saying: life goes on. Unfortunately, I have always thought how it ceases. Figuratively.

Hi, this is my first blog and though I think about how I want this to be really exciting. I think again. And it is not. I am a vessel of a lifeless entity. I see my meaning but I am blinded by it. I close my mind like how I close my eyes tightly. I endure pain like how it is inflicted. I can't stop my pessimism more than I would want to. Everything in life is luck. But I still feel unlucky. I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.

Maybe I will never be happy if I continue to search for what happiness consists of. I will never live if I am looking for the meaning of life. The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.